I don’t know the person who wrote the script, who crafted the words, who set the scenes and opened the curtain on the play that we, the innocent actors bring to life.
Because that is how it feels - like an uncontrolled cascade of events, a never ending series of obstacles and a whole goody bag of stress thrown onto the stage for good measure.
And here we are playing out the scenes, acting the parts. This is our life now. It used to be normal, but normality was stripped away some months ago and now this is now what we have.
Just when I thought things couldn’t get much worse, a new scene begins and the scriptwriter throws in a few more curve balls, just to liven up the show.
Hmmm, thought the scriptwriter, I’ve given Craig a bunch of health stuff to deal with, it must be Linda’s turn. How about a good old stroke for shits and giggles on top of the goody bag of stress that she already has?
It was the stress of course. The build-up to and then the cancelled surgery. It all became too much. Too much for Linda to take and something had to give, and it did. Blood pressure 240/133. Clot on the brain, Emergency Room, ICU. Total meltdown.
I try to keep my emotions in check, certainly in public, but yesterday in full view of two nurses, I lost it completely. I bawled my eyes out like a child and dripped tears and snot onto the ICU floor.
Why the ICU floor? Because that was where Linda was now lying, hooked up to machines having had the stroke and being attended to by two nurses who, must have been somewhat surprised when a grown man started blubbering incoherently in front of them.
I’m not ashamed. I needed it.
We can’t stop though, the drama is still unfolding. Linda has to get better and I have to get everything I need done to start radiation therapy. Monday dental surgeon, Tuesday to see the chemo doc, Thursday CT scan and in between still trying to arrange a feeding tube and life port.
Linda may need rehab to get her back to full strength and as she recovers so I will descend into 7 weeks of radiation and chemo. We are going to need each other.
More tragedy than drama right now. More pain to come and more challenges to face.
A sad post, a sad day. Better than yesterday but still emotional as we held each other and shed our tears.
Things will get better, we just need to move one day at a time and not worry what the future holds.
Focus on what we both have to do to get better. It is all we can do.