Time - The most precious thing
A little Monday evening ramble.....
We can give time, we can take time, we can spend time, we can waste time. We can keep time, we can lose time, we can do time and we can have time.
We can do a lot of things with time except one. We can never get it back.
It is now over two months since Bay Medical misread my CT scan. Two months when I could have been receiving treatment.
Two months out of my life.
The worst thing I find with my situation is I don’t know how time is affecting me. I don’t know whether this waste of time has made my situation worse.
I don’t know if I should be worried or relaxed about it. I don’t know how fast cancer spreads. I don’t know whether I have a primary cancer or whether it has spread or even if it will spread….
I don’t know just about anything.
And that’s the worst thing.
We can manage time, we can manage situations, we can plan, we can prepare, we can control. But at times like this when we rely on others, we are at their mercy.
Perhaps whatever I have will be resolved with a simple surgery. Cut it out, flush it out. Maybe it will need chemo. Maybe it will need radiation.
At this time I don’t know. Now I have to wait another several days for a doctors visit. Now I have to wait for a PET scan that hasn’t been organized yet. Then I will have to wait more time for the results to be analyzed, interpreted and shared with me.
Yet more time.
So, am I crying wolf? Am I over reacting? Am I reading more into the situation something that isn’t there? Am I being a baby? Am I being over dramatic?
Perhaps, but spend a minute in my shoes!
I don’t know because ‘I don’t know just about anything.’
All I know is that the clock has been ticking, the time has been passing and that worries me.
to be continued
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