Time Time Time

time time time

Time - The most precious thing

A little Monday evening ramble.....

We can give time, we can take time, we can spend time, we can waste time. We can keep time, we can lose time, we can do time and we can have time.

We can do a lot of things with time except one. We can never get it back.

It is now over two months since Bay Medical misread my CT scan. Two months when I could have been receiving treatment.

Two months out of my life.

The worst thing I find with my situation is I don’t know how time is affecting me. I don’t know whether this waste of time has made my situation worse.

I don’t know if I should be worried or relaxed about it. I don’t know how fast cancer spreads. I don’t know whether I have a primary cancer or whether it  has spread or even if it will spread….

I don’t know just about anything.

And that’s the worst thing.

We can manage time, we can manage situations, we can plan, we can prepare, we can control. But at times like this when we rely on others, we are at their mercy.

Perhaps whatever I have will be resolved with a simple surgery. Cut it out, flush it out. Maybe it will need chemo. Maybe it will need radiation.

At this time I don’t know. Now I have to wait another several days for a doctors visit. Now I have to wait for a PET scan that hasn’t been organized yet. Then I will have to wait more time for the results to be analyzed, interpreted and shared with me.

Yet more time.

So, am I crying wolf? Am I over reacting? Am I reading more into the situation something that isn’t there? Am I being a baby? Am I being over dramatic?

Perhaps, but spend a minute in my shoes!

I don’t know because ‘I don’t know just about anything.’

All I know is that the clock has been ticking, the time has been passing and that worries me.

to be continued


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  1. Fiona Cameron on January 21, 2020 at 8:03 am

    Very well written .
    In my thoughts always.

  2. Angela and Robin Mann on January 21, 2020 at 6:39 pm

    So sorry to hear this, thoughts are with you, as you know I have battled cancer and know how you are feeling, hope you get some answers soon xx

    • craig on January 21, 2020 at 6:49 pm

      Thanks Angie!
      I didn’t know you had you had cancer. The main battle here is not so much the cancer, it is paying for treatment as there is no NHS to turn to and I have no insurance….

      • Ivona on January 25, 2020 at 7:38 pm

        I am sorry,Craig….What were the symptoms and would you consider going back to UK for treatment?

        • craig on January 25, 2020 at 7:42 pm

          A painful lump in my throat. Going back to the UK is not an option right now. I’ve lived here over 20 years and cannot simply head off to the UK as I have no benefits anymore.

          • Ivona on January 26, 2020 at 7:48 pm

            I understand…stay strong…not sure if you have patience for it now but maybe someone else could look into options for you in UK,I believe cost of treatment probably much less out of pocket, if that even matters .Let me know if I can do anything and I’ll keep you and Linda in my prayers.

          • craig on January 26, 2020 at 7:57 pm

            Thanks Ivona. I am constantly looking at options but until I know more in this coming week I cannot decide. I have looked at the UK option but right now I need to find ways to get this thing fixed here. This situation is very complicated for a number of reasons. I really appreciate your concern and thoughts. xxx

  3. Debby on January 22, 2020 at 7:37 am

    Shocked to read this Craigy- as you know I’ve been down this road but thankfully did have insurance- I can see how this aspect is so worrying. Do hope it is a case of simple surgery. Stay strong- you have been through other health trauma in the past and come out the other side stronger. Thoughts are certainly with you and Linda 😘

    • craig on January 22, 2020 at 1:48 pm

      I was going to let you know once my situation was clearer. I’m sure whatever happens to me will be trivial compared to what you went through. I think of you often and draw strength from your awful disease and how you have conquered it.

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